


truly and undoubtedly certain

by sempre_balla



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, M/M, in which love doesn't fix everything but it still fixes some
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 17:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16479401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sempre_balla/pseuds/sempre_balla
Summary: "And I love it in Nohr, I truly do, leaving your side feels… unthinkable, at this point. Yet I don’t belong here either, because Laslow doesn’t exist—but I’ve been Laslow for so long, I fear I have lost the notion of who Inigo truly is."





	truly and undoubtedly certain

**Author's Note:**

> laslow's supports in fates are so sad he's having such a hard time about who he is I just want him to be okay and know that it's fine if not everything is certain
> 
> so I made xander help him understand that.

Xander is a strong man in both body and mind, so the first time Laslow sees his liege bedridden isn’t due to any illness.

Anankos has fallen, and Laslow has seen yet another world be saved. He couldn’t be more grateful that he hasn’t lost any loved ones to this war, but he still regrets not being strong enough to protect his master when the Silent Dragon was bringing down its claws down at them. The wounds from its breath have been surprisingly easy to heal—Laslow knows that firsthand, those being the only ones he suffered from in the last encounter. His claws, however, had torn through skin and flesh and bone, and despite their imposing size and might, Xander hadn’t hesitated to shield Elise from an attack aimed at her, getting horribly wounded in the process.

He will recover, Elise herself said it with determined tears in her eyes. Laslow believes her, but he hasn’t been able to help planting his feet down next to his liege’s bed and spending his every waking hour taking care of him. Xander has complained about that, and so has Peri, but they have humored him nonetheless. One doesn’t have to know that Laslow lost the most important people in his life to a fell dragon once to see how much their encounter with Anankos has affected him.

“And I knew, Lord Xander, I knew,” he says as he blinks away his tears. “I knew that I’d be facing another fell dragon all along. I had all that time to prepare myself for it, but when I saw him striking you I… I c-couldn’t—”

“It’s fine, Laslow,” Xander replies, reaching out to place his hand over Laslow’s own, “nothing can prepare us for the loss of a loved one. Even now I fear that, if I do so much as blink, you will disappear from my side.”

Laslow turns his hand so he can wrap his fingers around Xander’s palm. These touches, this relationship of theirs is new, but not as new as the sincerity lacing it. Odin, Selena and him had agreed that they each owed their respective lords the truth, and Laslow has spent the afternoon telling Xander all the events that led him to where he is now. So this honesty, this feeling of nakedness and vulnerability between them is too new for Laslow to be able to shake his head and promise his lord that he’s not going anywhere, that he’ll gladly spend the rest of his life being his and his alone. That’s why he squeezes his hand: to remind Xander that he’s here, by his side, sharing his warmth and his heart in a way he never has before.

“You’re feverish, milord,” he says, smiling softly. “As if I could run away from someone who needs me this much.”

Xander huffs and rolls his eyes, which makes Laslow’s smile widen. He can tell Xander wants to object and say that he doesn’t need him, the instinct to mask any sort of weakness burned into him since early childhood. But the crown prince is kind and perceptive, and he knows that saying something like that would only hurt Laslow. So he squeezes his retainer’s hand back, and speaks not the truth, but not a lie either.

“You could stand to brag a little less, don’t you think?” He asks. “Relying on his retainers is only natural for a lord.”

“Yet you have troubles doing just that, hm?” Laslow says, adding a wink to his words. “ _You_ could stand to be a little more honest, don’t you think?”

“Oh, have I truly been dishonest?” Xander replies, his voice taking that passive-aggressive tone that he uses when he’s about to scold Laslow for speaking out of line. “Have you perhaps forgotten where you stand right now? Taking care of me, next to my bed?”

“You’re just indulging me and we both know it,” Laslow chuckles. “If it were up to you, you would’ve kicked me out days ago.”

The amusement disappears from Xander’s eyes at those words, and Laslow’s smile drops. He flinches when his lord reaches up to brush his bangs away from his face, but Xander doesn’t say anything about it. He rests his knuckles on Laslow’s cheek, moving them lightly in a slow caress until the retainer relaxes and leans against the touch.

“I want you here, Laslow,” Xander whispers, frowning. “If there is anything I have done to make you feel otherwise…”

“No, of course not.” Laslow shakes his head. “I apologize for doubting you, milord. I guess I’m just… not sure about my place at this point.” He reaches up to take Xander’s hand in his, and finds himself smiling bitterly. “I don’t think I’m sure about many things anymore.”

“Do you mind sharing?”

Laslow bites his lip and slowly lets go of Xander’s hand, leading it back to the sheets. He _does_ mind sharing. Opening up has become harder and harder lately, and he doesn’t know how Xander will react to his words, which is nerve-wracking to say the least. And yet, as they pushed through Valla’s ruins, he had promised himself he would repay his liege’s trust and kindness with openness and honesty for the remaining time he had by his side; and this is a promise he does not want to back down from. So he pushes through his inhibitions, tries to force down the anxiety and mortification, and speaks softly.

“Would you still not mind if I left you? If I went back home?”

“I… I never said that, Laslow,” Xander says, his tone troubled. “You are not only my capable retainer, but my trusted friend and my thoughtful partner as well. You brighten my every day. I wouldn’t be mad at you, but of course I’d mind.”

Laslow blinks and looks down at his lap, feeling heat rising to his cheeks. No matter how much time has passed, he has never been able to get used to being complimented by Xander. Compliments on his skills already have him blushing to the tip of his ears, but those are compliments he’s used to hearing, words he can believe. But compliments on his looks, his personality, and their relationship… well, he doesn’t think he’ll ever truly get used to them.

“T-thank you,” he stammers, covering half of his face with a hand, only letting his eyes be visible. “I’m… glad to hear that.”

“Does that help you be sure of what was bothering you?”

“I don’t know, to be honest,” he replies, looking up at his liege. Xander’s gaze is firm and grounding, neither harsh nor soft, and Laslow relaxes a bit. “I guess I’m not, ah, sure of where I belong. I miss my world, my family, and my friends back home, but my _real_ home, the timeline where I’m from doesn’t exist anymore, so do I truly belong there? And I love it in Nohr, I truly do, leaving your side feels… unthinkable, at this point. Yet I don’t belong here either, because Laslow doesn’t exist—but I’ve been Laslow for so long, I fear I have lost the notion of who Inigo truly is.” He sees Xander’s eyes widening slightly, and he gasps. “Ah, Inigo is my real name.” he clarifies.

“Oh,” Xander says. He leans back against the headboard, his mouth agape. “It’s a lovely name… Inigo.”

Laslow shudders at the sound of his name in Xander’s lips. It sounds strange in his Nohrian accent, but gorgeous in his voice, and now he _knows_ he’s blushing furiously. And, suddenly, he’s Inigo again, the Feroxian mama’s boy who had to give up on dancing professionally to take up the sword. Suddenly he’s just a boy again, a boy fighting for a future already lost, a boy who knows not of love, but craves it desperately anyway. He’s a boy whose best friends are Owain and Severa, a boy who cries too often but smiles even more.

But he’s not the same Inigo as he was during his time with the Shepherds, he realizes. This Inigo is still a Feroxian mama’s boy who had to give up on dancing professionally to take up the sword, but he isn’t fighting for a future already lost anymore. He still craves love, but he knows of it, has been given it time and time again by the man sitting before him. His best friends are now called Odin and Selena, even if they’re still there by his side, through good and bad.

And he doesn’t cry as often, but maybe that changes when he stops being Laslow and becomes Inigo again, because he suddenly tastes something salty, and realizes tears have spilled from his eyes and fallen down his cheeks to the corners of his lips. A sob shakes his body, and as soon as he hunches forward, arms are already wrapped around him, pulling him close into a warm chest.

Xander is saying something, but all Inigo can register is when he calls his true name again, which gets a watery laugh out of him. He pulls out just lightly to gaze up at the other man, who looks confused and concerned, which gets him chuckling again. It’s overwhelming, the affection he feels for the man in his arms, but he loves it. He loves every bit of it.

“I want to stay with you,” he whispers. “May I?”

“Of course,” Xander replies immediately. “Of course, nothing could make me happier, Inigo.”

“Thank you,” he says, “Xander.”

Xander smiles a small smile, but it's still brilliant all the same. Inigo lets himself be pulled into his arms again, ane nuzzles up to his liege—no, his lover.

“Is this the first name basis I've heard so much about?” Xander says against his hair, which makes Inigo giggle.

“I'm still gonna call you Lord Xander when we’re in public,” he says. “Or Your Majesty soon enough, I suppose.”

“Should I call you Laslow in public as well?” Xander asks, and Inigo nods against his neck.

“Let this be a secret between us, hm?” he says. “And Odin. And Selena.”

Xander laughs quietly at that, and even if Inigo is still unsure about many things, that wonderful sound and the way it makes his heart swell with affection are truly and undoubtedly certain.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have so many xanlow wips, maybe I'll post them too in the future. thank you so very much for reading, drop a comment if you wanna make my day, you can find me [on my tumblr](http://cinnadiaphos.tumblr.com/), and please know that I love laslow with all my heart and soul


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